The Seasons of Life

As I sit here in the middle of the night and I hear silence throughout my home I feel at peace. I am at peace knowing that my children are sound asleep safely in their beds and that my husband is resting comfortably in ours. Times like this gives me so much time to think and focus on my life and where it is that I have been and even though I don't know where I am headed I know that this road will lead me somewhere.

Growing up in my small town I never could have ever wrapped my head around everything that I would experience in my 35 years. I realize that God gives us a journey to walk through because if He handed us everything at one time we would never withstand the weight of the world. Rather we walk a bit, rest a bit, and enjoy or endure what we are going through. I believe that it is when we are resting and sometimes stuck in the same old rut that it is a period in time that God is needing us to really listen to him. Have you ever wondered why things are not moving fast enough or you are tired of the same old crap? I think it is because there is a lesson to be learned and we just aren't listening. The bible says that there is a season for everything. I never really understood it but now that I do His word is so true. For those who don't know me I have endured many kinds of seasons

I remember growing up my grandmother would always come in my room when I was little and sing to me until I fell asleep. I was always scared of the dark and so she would leave the comfort of her own bed and lay down with me and hold me and sing. With a voice that was so golden and sweet (maybe not to most but to me it was like an angel singing) she would sing me Spanish lullaby's and sometimes I know it would take hours for me to sleep but she never once left me until she knew I was resting peacefully. I can still to this day feel the comfort she gave me and her hands wrapped around me so tight. I was safe from all of the boogie mans and monsters under my bed and I knew that I was alright. She made everything all right. It has been 10 years since she has been gone and I miss her so so much. So many times I want to call her and hear her voice or feel her arms wrapped around me once more. But even though she is gone I know she is with me always pushing me forward. You see my memories are far much more than just memories they are actions of love that were embedded deep within my soul. That was a season of love that was preparing me for a far greater season that was to come. The season in which I now find myself a part of, the season of motherhood.

With the same love and compassion that my grandma, who I now see as my momma, gave me is the same love and devotion I pray to pass on to my own children. I have had a very hard life despite being with my grandparents growing up and I wasn't always the person I am now. So yes I pray that I can at least be half the momma she was to me and I hope that my children one day will see my efforts in their own lives. I know I fail in some areas as a parent and I don't always sing to them the way my momma sang to me. I don't know if trying is good enough but I try to be the best mom that I can for my babies. Perhaps I shouldn't judge myself too harshly because I was told by my aunts and uncles that my sister and I were spoiled rotten compared to the way they were raised. Maybe it was because she had 7 to raise and her baby she buried at a little over a year. We were her babies. We were her everything and she told us so. Just the same way that I tell my own children.

Right now I am in the middle of the greatest season in my life and perhaps my children's. And whether I always get it right or not I have come to understand that it like everything else is a work in progress. One day this particular part of the journey will change and all we all will have are mere memories. I hope, no I pray, that I will do right by my children and this period in time will help them to be so much better, so much more than I ever will be or was. After all that is all we want for our children. We want the very best and more, but even I know that they too will have their own seasons to deal with and it is up to me to prepare them as best as I can.